Etiquette for Kids: Gifts

I’m kicking off a series of good manners for kids! Putting in the effort upfront to teach kids manners will pay off in the long run. You’ll be able to enjoy stress-free outings and gatherings. Ok, ready?

Etiquette for Kids: Gifts

Our youngest son excitedly opened the gift and then yelled, “DONATE PILE!”

Thankfully it was just our immediate family of 5 (it was Christmas morning, covid-style), but it reminded me of another gift-giving faux-pas our other son committed a few years prior.

He opened the gift his grandmother told him he was going to love and announced to the entire party, “This isn’t the lego set I wanted.”

All the adults in the room knew this was not what you’re supposed to say. As his mom, I know he’s a VERY black and white thinker. I heard the confusion in his voice. I saw the questioning in his eyes. I knew he wasn’t trying to be rude or ungrateful; he was genuinely confused, thinking there was a mistake, trying to think back through the bits of conversations that led to this mistake. I had failed him because I hadn’t prepared him for this.

Our younger son’s faux pas was a result of me failing to teach these gift giving skills due to covid. The last time he attended a gift-giving gathering he was THREE. He simply doesn’t have the context, memories, or exposure, and since it was just us five in lockdown, I hadn’t practiced them with him.  (Can you tell we did a lot of minimizing and donating over the past 2 years?)

I share these stories to remind you that you can start from zero. Good manners for kids are always possible.

Children don’t magically know how they’re supposed to act around presents—we need to teach them!

Gift etiquette for kids: 5 keys for success

 1. discuss longing, jealousy and mine/yours

Remind your child it’s OK to long for something someone else opens. It’s OK to be jealous. These are normal feelings, and these feelings don’t make you bad or ungrateful. ACTING or not acting on these feelings is the tricky part.

For younger children, practice “mine” and “yours” until they understand these concepts. Take turns holding a stuffed animal and using these words, taking turns, asking for the stuffie, and modeling refraining from grabbing.

For older kids, talk out some scenarios of good and poor ways to act on these feelings. Discuss ways to handle these normal feelings while remaining kind and polite.

Give both younger and older children ways to handle jealousy if they think they can’t remain polite, such as leaving the room, sitting on your lap, squeezing your hand, asking for a turn, or even taking a picture of the gift for their own wish list.

2. set expectations before opening gifts

You know I’m big on setting expectations. This allows children to know what’s coming and sets them up for success.

Tell your child exactly what’s going to happen concerning the gifts. For example:

• This is [child’s] party. She will be opening all the gifts and they’re all for her. None of the gifts are for you, but you’ll get ALL the gifts when it’s your party!

• Today you’ll be opening gifts from our family. All the other children will also open gifts. We’ll take turns, and when it’s your turn everyone will watch you open them! When it’s the other kids’ turn we’ll watch them!

• The party today will have a White Elephant. That means you might pick a gift you really don’t want. That’s ok. Let me explain how a white elephant works…  Do you have any questions?

You can also set expectations about

• children asking when they can open gifts

• picking up wrapping paper

• not opening their toys at someone else’s house

• or any other thing you can think of that would make sense for your child and your family.

3. new toys don’t need to be shared

Imagine you got a brand-new thing that you’ve been longing for; would you want to turn it over to someone else within minutes of opening it? I wouldn’t!

In our house we have a new toys don’t have to be shared rule. The child can CHOOSE if they want to share it, and we model the language “you can have a turn when I’m done” and “I just got this toy and I don’t want to share it yet.”

One caveat: if this rule applies to the three-year-old (who developmentally struggles to share) it also applies to the nine-year-old (who should be able to share). Be consistent.

4. have something to give

Getting gifts is awesome, but children can also learn that GIVING is joyful. Help teach this by having something your child can give. This could be anything.

In our house we do homemade gifts, but a drawing, a note, a hug, a piece of candy, a stick, a rock, a toy… you see how this list could go on and on? The actual gift doesn’t matter. What matters is that your child picked it out for that person and gives it with love.

Then prepare your child: Grandma’s going to give you a gift. And you have a gift for her! Isn’t that wonderful! When do you want to give your gift: when we walk in the door or when we all give gifts?

Give your child power over these choices. Empower your child!

5. always say “thank you” to the giver

As my stories above show, this isn’t a given! Remind your child that you always thank the giver. Always.

Give them choices of how they can show thanks: eye contact and a verbal thank you, get up and give a high five, ask the giver to open the toy and check it out together, and for older kids, to express why they appreciate the gift (add a sentence to “thank you”).

You can even prepare your child for gift disappointment:

• Remember that [person] always gets you a shirt. I know it’s not what you would choose, but I want you to say thank you.

• Hey, you know baby toys are cheap and big kid gifts are more money. [Baby] might get more gifts than you, but we’re not counting gifts, right?

Ok, there you have it! Gift etiquette for kids -- 5 keys for success! Put in the work up front and you should now be able to mix kids and gifts like a pro at any gathering.

And remember kids are still learning, and so are you. You can’t foresee and prepare for every possible gift-giving scenario, but you can respond with grace and love if your child makes a gift faux-pas. We’re all learning, and we all deserve grace… and there’s always room for improvement!

I’d love to know what the most helpful tip on this list was for you, and please share or pin if you found this helpful!

You would also enjoy: